My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
