I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
