He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize