What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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