I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
