He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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