I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
