yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
