He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize