guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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