I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
