My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
