That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize