does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
