You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your cock deserves a montage
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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