I think I won the penis lottery.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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