with your own penis?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
only if we run a train.
done.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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