The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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