giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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