Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
