its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
