I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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