Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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