She went from zero to smokin in five shots
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Found your dick twin last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
