i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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