I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
