oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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