Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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