fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize