You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have aggressive nipples.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
