Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
