I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
