i love accidental penises.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
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