I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
