I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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