Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
