He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
