Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
