C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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