dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
