I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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