Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
