Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
