you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
