the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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