so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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