That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
