omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
