It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize