just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
