well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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