he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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