So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
