So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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