i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
