i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
