i think i have two assholes
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just found a bag of teeth...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
