woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
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