the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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