I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
