they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize