I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
