I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
