dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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