TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
