When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
