bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
