After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
