I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
