Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
