I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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