She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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