My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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