From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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