im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
