My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
