so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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